I feel cheated.

The tentacled creature known as Facebook has revealed to me that the boy I had a painful crush on in the fifth grade* has in fact become a stuntman, and has appeared nude on camera in a film that I have already seen, but had no clue he was in. 

Fate is laughing at me. Chortling, in fact.

*I swear, I had a good reason for looking this guy up; I remembered his features so fondly I decided to use them as a model for a character, but needed to know how he’d aged. (Which, if his willingness to bare all is any indication, is pretty well.) Curse you and your too-sharp memory, Inner Eleven-Year-Old!